Thursday, November 1, 2007

My Own Personal Hell, A Recap

As previously noted, yesterday started off with the Muffins waking up 3 hours ahead of schedule. I eventually got them back to sleep, but that didn't last long and they napped for only 45 minutes later in the day...guess how much fun it was by the time all of the trick-or-treaters were ringing the doorbell. Go on. Guess.

J doesn't usually get home until 6ish, but I asked him to definitely be home by 6 and he made sure to get here by 5:45. Trick-or-treating started at 5, but since we haven't "fallen back" yet it was still daylight so no one wanted to be out trolling for candy until it was dark. (Personally, I'm thinking it'll be great next year to take the kidlets out while it's still light out.) Anyway, my primary mistake - one I paid for pretty much all night - was taking #1 with me to hand out candy the first few times. #2 got jealous. We're talking major headabouttopopoff screaming. I've also apparently brought a future Academy Award winner into the world, because I've never, ever seen someone cry so dramatically - she does a complete dead drop onto the floor and just sobs and sobs in the most pathetic way possible. It would tear my heart out if it weren't so damn funny and stereotypical.

I should have just left both babes in the living room, happily playing and not thought that it might be fun for them to see all of the costumes and other kids. Stupid Mumma. Sometimes I need to not think. Just do. In this case, just hand out candy sans super-cute toddler attached to my hip. So...both kids are screaming in the living room with an exhausted, and somewhat shellshocked, J trying valiantly to distract them.

Meanwhile, here's just a sampling of what I encountered:

* The first group of kids was a bunch of teenage boys who didn't even try to dress up. So I asked them what they were and they gave lame answers of "a skeleton," "a goblin," and one kid, sporting a metallic blue wig (ok, so he at least put part of something resembling a costume on) claimed to be a member of the Blue Man Group. When I mused that their costumes must be invisible and informed the blue haired kid that the Blue Men are bald, or at least appear to be so, the kids were sick of my giving them guff for not dressing up and, after rummaging through the candy bin, booked it down the driveway. Seriously, just eat your parents' candy if you're not even going to make an effort. And parents? Know what your kids are up to and if they're going to go begging strangers for candy, make them dress up. If they claim to be too old to dress up, then perhaps they're too old to go out trick-or-treating.

* I made an effort this year to buy some goodies that my kids could eat in the event of leftovers. Along with the requisite oodles of candy, I purchased mini packs of goldfish and teddy grahams for the younger trick-or-treaters, figuring that #1 and #2 would enjoy them, too. One little girl, upon looking in her bag to see what I had given her, screamed down the driveway to her parents (who were standing in the street), "she gave me goldfish! What?! Why'd I get goldfish?! That's not candy!" I didn't hear her yelling about the Cheez-Its in her bag from one of my neighbors. Sheesh...

As it happens, there are leftovers and #1 and #2 will be enjoying goldfish and teddy grahams for a while (I tried to ditch as much candy as possible when the night started to wind down...more for the sake of my ass and thighs than anything else.) The Muffins are way too young for candy.

* One group of trick-or-treaters included 4 youngish kids (probably 6-9 years old, all of them) and their mothers. The kids were cute and polite and rang the bell and thanked me for their candy when all was said and done. The disturbing part? The mothers made a half-hearted attempt to dress up (they primarily used too much make-up and essentially looked like strung-out heroin addicts and also had terrible hacking coughs from smoking too much) and, when I went to the door, the mothers - the mothers! - shoved their bags in my face and declared that they were trick-or-treating, too. I had to give them candy before they allowed their children to come up and have some treats. I smiled through clenched teeth and just wished for them to go away.

Eventually, the kids did settle down. J soothed them with Braincandy and they were happy once I was back in the living room with them after trick-or-treating was officially over.

I've never been a huge fan of Halloween, not even as a kid. I didn't like the pressure of dressing up and I never saw the appeal. I love Autumn, it is by far my favorite season, but I've never been a big Halloween person. This year made me a firm Halloween Hater. I'm sure I'll enjoy it more in the future and it'll be exciting to take the kids out next year for the very first time, and there'll be years of cute costumes and fond memories to come But this year? Just sucked. first NaBloPoMo entry kind of makes me sound like a bitch, or the Halloween Scrooge. Oh well. You'll have to take my word for it that I'm not.

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