The scene: Liam's been sick for the past couple of days and has been having a particularly bad time with diarrhea. As I was changing his diaper, he was holding the Desitin for me and taunting me by telling me that he was going to eat it.
H: No, we don't eat that. If it's meant for your bum, it's most certainly not intended for your mouth.
(Really, I think that's advice we can all use.)
The scene: I'm standing in the kitchen dishing out some dinner and Liam is standing beside me.
L: You making dinner, Mommy?
H: Yes, go tell Daddy that we're having tofu casserole for dinner.
L (running off and in an adorable sing-song voice): Dad-dy! We're having tofu asshole for dinner!
The scene: I'm exhausted and worn out, sitting in the living room and listening to Liam play in the front room, wondering what's going on with the barrister bookcase.
H (to J): Can you go check on him, please?
J (walking into the kitchen and glancing at Liam): Whatcha doing? Trying to decapitate yourself?
Ella (running from my side into the front room to see what her brother's up to): Liam! You crapping yourself?
The scene: I'm holding Ella right before heading upstairs for bedtime.
H: Let Daddy wipe your face and hands before bed. You need to be all clean.
Ella: I want to be a dirty girl! I need to!
And such is my life...