Numbers

$2.05 - The cost of a large diet coke at McDonald's now. I'm a little pissed. This time last year the same drink cost $1.79. $2 is my psychological breaking point. I just can't justify spending that much on a soda. I mean, I know the previous price ($1.94) was steep, but for some reason, I just won't do it now that it's over $2. Maybe as a treat every now and then, but that'd be it.

50 - the number of pounds I've lost since I joined the gym not quite 10 months ago. That's a really big number and one I didn't even think I'd really ever see. I've lost 67 pounds total since the kids were born and now it's starting to seem as though I may really lose 100 pounds by their 3rd birthday. I'm definitely into numbers (both on the scale and on the tags in my clothing) that I haven't seen in a long while and it is a bit of a mind trick to some extent (I still routinely pick out clothing that is now far too large for me because I can't really wrap my mind around the fact that I'm now 2 or 3 and, in some cases, 4 sizes smaller than I've been in forever).

There was a huge part of me (no pun intended) that was always afraid to lose weight, at least lose it in big numbers. I felt that, somehow, I wouldn't be me anymore if I lost a significant amount of weight. Not that I identified myself as a fat chick (although that was my reality) or even let being fat define me. I just have always felt that other aspects of my personality were cultivated because I was fat. (And, I'm not grotesque or anything, but I've always just been a big girl.) I guess I found other ways to have people pay attention to me and felt that somehow those aspects of me would be lost along with the weight.

I don't think I've ever been happier to admit that I was wrong.