Sunday, February 8, 2009

My Heart. It's Melting.

Ella has not been into sleeping much lately. Mind you, she crashes harder than a lead balloon when she finally does give into sleep, but she will not nap and, as she climbs the stairs at night and crawls into bed (both kids have given up their beds are now sleeping on the futon in their room...that's an entirely different post) she proclaims over and over and over that she "can't do this." It's pathetic, really, and breaks my Mumma heart, but the kid needs her sleep!

Cut to tonight. She's on the nutty side, due, naturally, to the lack of yet another nap, and is insisting that she won't sleep, she doesn't need sleep, just "can't won't sleep, Mumma!" God help me, in a moment of maternal weakness and trying to play up something that she's shown the teensiest bit of interest in lately, I've even stooped to telling her that "princesses need sleep to grow strong and smart and beautiful"...I loathe princesses and would love it if she skipped that whole part of being a girl.

I sang to the kids, kissed and hugged them, tucked them in and promised that I would send J up to kiss them goodnight. Little did I know that J was taking out the garbage and recycling and wasn't readily available to run up and kiss them. When he came back in the house, I told him to go up. The Muffins were quiet and he thought maybe he shouldn't disturb them. Not wanting to be made out to be a liar, I pushed him to go up.

Stupid me!

Ella, who I'm sure was on the verge of sleep, freaked the hell out and became hysterical when J kissed them and told them he loved them, but wouldn't kiss and hug her five trillion lovies (that may be a slight exaggeration). J did an "I told you so" to me when he came downstairs and I waited, hoping that she was so exhausted that she'd pass out in a few minutes.

She didn't.

I went upstairs to calm her down and love her up. As I sat on the edge of the futon, cradling my sweet girl in her arms, my half-asleep little zombie of a son came and sat by my side and started rubbing his sister's back and telling her that he loved her. I cannot begin to describe the amazing sweetness of the moment.

Some days I feel as though I've had my ass handed to me on a sliver platter by motherhood but moments like this put it all in perspective.

This is all a really long way of saying that I think I must be doing something least some of the time.

And, damnit, my kids are wonderful.

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